Whose that crazy Chicken Lady?


Sunday, August 21, 2011

Aging UGH!!

"How old is your grandson?"
"How many grandchildren do you have?"
"Is this your first grandchild?"


The horrible truth is that I am old enough to be a GRANDMA! UGH! I am not attacking anyone my age that is a Grandparent already, but I don't feel old yet. I feel silly to skip from time to time in public, sing out loud and dance in the aisle randomly! SIGH!

In my mind I still see my grandparents, greying/salt & pepper hair, slightly wrinkly and a fond smell of old person (not nasty just like older types of perfumes/cologne). NOT ME!

I went to the mall in Ohio and I, "OOOO'd and AAHHH'd" at several stores that I loved! I shuffled through the racks (I don't go shopping much except thrift stores, Walmart and if I'm feeling daring Target or fancy, Kohl's), I shuffle and shuffle and shuffle through racks and racks...

There are no sizes over size 10 in many of the stores. L or XL? Fat chance! No pun! HA!
My shoulders slumped over as I watched smooth, bouncy, no cellulite, or wrinkle teeny boppers squeak and squeal as they found the same shirt and other clothing that I sadly rummaged through.

I saw a few Mom's like me, wearing baggy clothes to hide that unsightly tummy and the bumps that seem to attack the back of my legs like tiny soldiers puffing up under my skin here or there. Hey, no it's not pretty! Stretch marks have taken over many parts of my body that I didn't know existed!

And what's with the hair that has sprouted up on it's own on my chin, face and half a dozen other places!

I went to Cinnabon to drown my woes of feeling old. Looking at my sleeping baby in his stroller, lucky for him that he isn't seeing me like this. When did I stop being cool? Where did those lines around my mouth come from? Those white hairs on my head seem to have popped up overnight! Crow's feet?! Heck I have a nest on the sides of my eyes! SIGH!

Oh and don't even get me started when I wave my arms. The arm jiggle is quite happy on my arms. EWWW!

My diet? I started the 17 day diet but stopped not only did I lose 6 days but I did read that it's not good to do while I'm nursing. Which brings me to my boobs! I bent over and saw them in the mirror and cringed! What the heck happened to those things? They used to be so smooth and perky...

So back to Ohio... I saw a gorgeous looking woman about my age, with flawless skin, boobs up to her neck (I'm sure they aren't real or she has never had kids), clothes that were crisp (no baby drool or stains from cleaning liquids), perfume and trendy. I threw out my Cinnabon, I totally lost my appetite.

I took both of us back to the car, dragging my emotional sorry butt to the hotel. And feeling so down for myself. I did bring a few dresses with to get dressed up for my favorite guy. I admit after a shower, crying, and feeling sorry for myself, I ended up feeling better. I checked myself out in the mirror and was happy with what I saw.

The dress covered the imperfections of my cottage cheese and the thigh rub thing I got going on. I had splurged a month ago and bought a push-up bra so the girls looked good! I added some powder to my face to help with the blotches that sprang up a few years ago, threw on some bling, heels and was out the door. I felt even better when I arrived to see him and he had the biggest smile on his face. And told me how good I looked. BIG CHEESY GRIN!

I mentioned the mini melt down later. Oh I left out several parts. I whined enough. I am getting older, I had my first toothache today, which means my first cavity, not bad considering I am 40. I decided to just let my hair go white or grey or whatever it wants to do. It's silly to see women in they're 60's, 70's or older with completely blond or dark hair. (How old is Nancy Pelosi?)

I will continue to exercise, it has been helping some. I would have to say that a tummy tuck is something I want to have after I'm done having children (One more please!). And possibly a boob job? That is still debatable!

So! When you see me next time, I promise not to think about my vanity or feel bad about growing older.

Just don't call me Grandma yet!

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